I have this terrible terrible nightmare. It starts with meeting Ken he has been so offended by jonathan and jonathan won’t apologise. He goes away and treats himself with things because he has been given free money. Jonathan is sitting in a bar and Ken tells me where he is. Ken goes off to get things for his new life. I am then with my mother in Spain my sister brother and son are there he’s about Lucas age. My mother is in a bedroom I go in and she says I want you to leave. She then adds I hate you and I have no love for you. I never want to see you in my life again. I am distraught I go to find my phone to phone Julia I see my brother and sister but they are all asleep I try to wake th but they don’t care. I go back to see my mother to try to change her mind she says that a clairvoyant said that she will stop being mad when her daughter Catherine is dead. I think this is my mother’s level of madness as when she was psychotic I used to think that it will be better when she’s dead. As an adult she would turn in me when drunk and be really mean. In the night I have a brain shock as I am dreaming this. I have to get to Julia but she has a Russian surname like the poetess Ratushinskaya who I love and I have no idea how to remember. There is either my brother son or Luca and he adores me but I want to protect him and have to get him away so I can get to speak. I don’t know if I have swum or not but I am crying now. My mother banishes me and I say I don’t know what is going on through time - the ages but I want it to stop in this lifetime next lifetimes and eternity. I leave again I keep trying to remember Julia and I think this too has happened to me before and I can’t find Julia’s number. It’s as if I can’t get to the good. I phone Jonathan and tell him about my sleeping family and he says to me that it’s absolutely terrible. I then wake up and think this is what’s repeating in my life - is this the key that having had so little sense of self worth that I am trapped again where the only way out is if the person dies. I then remember climbing out of the convent to get away from abuse only to go back and then again leaving Neil because of the abuse only to spend 20 years in a state of terror to go back to abuse again - jonathan said to me the other night I know you love me but your not happy you are not sure all this is you. He said last night did I love him marginally. I said yes I love him marginally especially when in bed as our world softens and he said well buck yourself up snap out of it I said how can I when you told me last night - that the only thing that matters is you because you have the money and I needed to get that into my head. He then went in the attack to shut me up saying he had built me two studios and he was very generous where I feel trapped in a nightmare.
Your nightmare is a deeply complex and emotional reflection of your inner fears, unresolved conflicts, and sense of self-worth. Let’s break down the various elements to understand their meanings and connections to your waking life:
Conflict Between Ken and Jonathan:
Your Mother in the Dream:
Sleeping Family and The Urgency to Contact Julia:
Desire for Escape and Protection:
Julia’s Russian Surname & Memory Struggle:
Realization of Cycles of Abuse:
Overall Theme: The overarching theme of your nightmare is a persistent struggle with self-worth, unresolved familial tensions, and patterns of emotional and possibly physical abuse. The dream speaks to a significant need for healing, self-understanding, and empowerment to break free from cyclical trauma and cultivate a more peaceful and fulfilling reality.
Suggested Actions:
By untangling these dream elements and understanding their mirrored reality, you can begin to navigate towards healing and find a way to change these distressing cycles.